It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
