Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
