Just cropdusted the office
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance