Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY