I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?