Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
