i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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