My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
