it hurts more in the daytime
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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