white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
