How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
