How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
