Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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