Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
