What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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