help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's get the cat blown out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
