She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Quick, to the slutcave!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
