She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize