Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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