shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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