it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
