Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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