I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
