I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
