I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
birth control should be required to get into college
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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