I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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