if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
