You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
