then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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