I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
