oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
