I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
honey bunches of taint.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
