Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
