remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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