Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
