Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
