You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
