Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
