i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
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