good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
