he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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