Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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