we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
