Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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