no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
