In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
