hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
