ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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