So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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