I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had sex on a roof
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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