the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
