I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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