I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize