i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
