Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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