How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
