I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
