just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
