Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
