What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
