We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
