the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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