alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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