omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
only you would photoshop your dick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
