I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
