I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
