Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
