I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
