she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
