This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
