chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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