My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
