you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
