I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
