im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
