i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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