she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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