you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
