is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
