Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
