I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has the fingertips of a God
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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