i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
