i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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