kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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