Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
